When going through life, there are times (like the present) where I tend to think, "How can you, Almight God, allow something like this to happen to me." Especially considering He is the one pulling the strings, and from my perspective, it's easy to be the one pulling the strings, if you don't have to actually go through it. But this is bad logic......
Christ is probably the one person who can relate to me the best. As far as my life is concerned..... Christ went through the same situations.
For instance, some things I have not enjoyed about my life.....
- My mom dying
- Being bullied in school
- Being made fun of
- The loss of friends due to bad situations
- the difficulty of walking the path God has laid out for you.
There are so many more but lets just focus on these for now. Christs' life on earth included these things.
Going in order:
- Jesus' friend Lazarus died. In the bible it talks about Jesus spending time with him and his sisters, and how he was saddened by his death.
- Throughout his whole life, Christ was under constant pressure. I consider being pushed into a garbage can bad, but Jesus was brutally beaten, spat on, and every move was being watched. He was constantly under suspicion, and many, even his own people, hated him.
- Jesus was mocked. That is very clear. As Jesus went to be crucified, and had a crown of thorns placed on his head, they mocked his very claim of being the Son of God.
-Christ's own Friend Judas, betrayed him, for a small amount of money. After everything they had been through together, and the many miracles he witnessed Christ perform, he still traded him in. How extremely depressing is that!!! For someone who followed the son of God around for years, witnessed his life, he was drawn earthly things, and the desire for money.
- Lastly, Christ knew how hard it is to walk the path laid out for you by God. Before He was betrayed, Christ prayed, if there was a way for God to take this cup from him, but he accepted God's will, and walked that path. With amazing Grace I might add. I'm not very graceful when I suffer!
Not only did Christ go through all of these things in his life, but He did it for ME! I don't know about you, but I would not be very willing to go through all of that crap, for people who hated me..... but Christ did! That is what is so unbelievable.
So here is to a God that understands me, and KNOWS (100%)...... I can make it through.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
A walk down memory lane.....
Lately I've been thinking about what God is putting on my heart, .... and honestly the only thing that comes to mind are memories. Most of which, I don't talk much about.... so I guess I will share a few with you.
We found out my mom had cancer, when I was in grade 4. I was 9 years old at the time. My brother's and I were sitting and waiting for my parents to pick us up from school. When they finally showed up, I remember getting into the car, and my mom was crying. It was then that they told us about the cancer. I remember crying, but I don't think I really grasped what was happening.
When my mom was going through Chemo, she was extremely sick. I remember her coming home after one surgery, and she was wearing these new silk pajama's, and her sisters were there. I remember her laughing, and trying to tell everyone not to make her laugh, as it hurt so much. I remember exactly where she was sitting, and I thought she looked so beautiful.
One day, my mom was feeling really sick, and she was laying on the couch in our family room. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and I said I was just going next door to see if my friend was home. I came back 30 mins later, and I remember my brother telling me, my dad took her to the hospital. My heart sunk just a little more.
Another memory I have, I was playing piano one day; practicing.... (forced to practice) and I was crying. I didn't realize my mom had seen me until that night, when she came to pray with me before bed, and she asked me about it. My response..... I didn't want her to die. You know what my mom's response was? "Don't worry, God is in control, and everything will be ok." I blamed God for this memory, because everything did not end up ok..... or should I say.... what I thought would be ok.
The last couple months of my mom's life, she lived at the hospital, and so did my dad. We would go visit them after school, and I remember singing to my mom, holding her hand, and praying for her. I remember her not being able to talk, and the only one that could understand her, was my dad. I remember how much she slept.
I remember the night she died like it was yesterday, but now yesterday seems to bring other memories......
I remember the day my dad told me he had a date....... I had just flown home from china, and he seemed almost nervous to tell me. I remember him telling me how fit Linda was and fashionable, and I can remember being stubborn-headed and saying to my dad, that I would not get along with her.
I had a connection with her the first time I met her.
I remember leaving for Austrailia, and my dad showing me the engagement ring. And I definitely remember the conversation I had with them, when I called home to find out they were engaged. I flew home on the two week break, a couple days later, I flew to manitoba for the wedding. A couple days after the wedding I flew back to BC, to get on a flight back to Australia a few days after that. The drive to the airport was not a good one, as Linda and I were heading to the shop to pick up my dad when I got a call from my brother telling me, my dog had been hit by a car. Linda gave me a hug at the airport, and told me she was sorry I had to leave like this.
I remember a lot of things about Linda, all are great things. But the one I can not get out of my mind... was the last day she was a live.....
We had just been told that Linda was only given a few more days to live, so our whole family went over to the hospital. At this point in time, she was already in ICU. There was so much going on, but the only thing I remember crystal clear.... I got right up close to her bed, she looked at me, took my face between her hands and she said this; "Oh Stevi, just when we really started to connect. I want you to know that I love you, and consider you my daughter." That was the first and last time, I intentionally called her "mom." I regret that I didn't call her mom a lot sooner.
I told myself, that was the last time I would ever allow my fear of what other people would think, to influence me. And I guess that is why I decided to write this blog. I'm not a very outspoken person, most of the time. I tend to keep my opinions to myself (mind you, I vent when I'm home alone with my husband), and try not to make waves. But I honestly think my fear has hindered me more, than the waves that I might have caused.
Many people have told me that Linda knew how I felt, or what I believed, but you know what my biggest fear is in life?....... That something might happen to myself or a family member, and they don't know that I love them.
If I can give anyone one piece of advise, I would say to them, Make sure the people you love, actually knows it, because you don't know what tomorrow brings. I love my family more than some can comprehend, and sometimes I not good at showing it, but I also know that there is one who has provided me with this family, and I will praise God for every day, and opportuntiy that I get to spend with them. (Even if they drive me crazy at times).
Because if I know anything in life........ Life is too short for "Not enough time."
You know..... I have one other memory of both of them,...... when they were in the hospital..... they both had their bibles either in their hands, or right beside them. Now those are both mom's that I hope I will be like, one day.
We found out my mom had cancer, when I was in grade 4. I was 9 years old at the time. My brother's and I were sitting and waiting for my parents to pick us up from school. When they finally showed up, I remember getting into the car, and my mom was crying. It was then that they told us about the cancer. I remember crying, but I don't think I really grasped what was happening.
When my mom was going through Chemo, she was extremely sick. I remember her coming home after one surgery, and she was wearing these new silk pajama's, and her sisters were there. I remember her laughing, and trying to tell everyone not to make her laugh, as it hurt so much. I remember exactly where she was sitting, and I thought she looked so beautiful.
One day, my mom was feeling really sick, and she was laying on the couch in our family room. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and I said I was just going next door to see if my friend was home. I came back 30 mins later, and I remember my brother telling me, my dad took her to the hospital. My heart sunk just a little more.
Another memory I have, I was playing piano one day; practicing.... (forced to practice) and I was crying. I didn't realize my mom had seen me until that night, when she came to pray with me before bed, and she asked me about it. My response..... I didn't want her to die. You know what my mom's response was? "Don't worry, God is in control, and everything will be ok." I blamed God for this memory, because everything did not end up ok..... or should I say.... what I thought would be ok.
The last couple months of my mom's life, she lived at the hospital, and so did my dad. We would go visit them after school, and I remember singing to my mom, holding her hand, and praying for her. I remember her not being able to talk, and the only one that could understand her, was my dad. I remember how much she slept.
I remember the night she died like it was yesterday, but now yesterday seems to bring other memories......
I remember the day my dad told me he had a date....... I had just flown home from china, and he seemed almost nervous to tell me. I remember him telling me how fit Linda was and fashionable, and I can remember being stubborn-headed and saying to my dad, that I would not get along with her.
I had a connection with her the first time I met her.
I remember leaving for Austrailia, and my dad showing me the engagement ring. And I definitely remember the conversation I had with them, when I called home to find out they were engaged. I flew home on the two week break, a couple days later, I flew to manitoba for the wedding. A couple days after the wedding I flew back to BC, to get on a flight back to Australia a few days after that. The drive to the airport was not a good one, as Linda and I were heading to the shop to pick up my dad when I got a call from my brother telling me, my dog had been hit by a car. Linda gave me a hug at the airport, and told me she was sorry I had to leave like this.
I remember a lot of things about Linda, all are great things. But the one I can not get out of my mind... was the last day she was a live.....
We had just been told that Linda was only given a few more days to live, so our whole family went over to the hospital. At this point in time, she was already in ICU. There was so much going on, but the only thing I remember crystal clear.... I got right up close to her bed, she looked at me, took my face between her hands and she said this; "Oh Stevi, just when we really started to connect. I want you to know that I love you, and consider you my daughter." That was the first and last time, I intentionally called her "mom." I regret that I didn't call her mom a lot sooner.
I told myself, that was the last time I would ever allow my fear of what other people would think, to influence me. And I guess that is why I decided to write this blog. I'm not a very outspoken person, most of the time. I tend to keep my opinions to myself (mind you, I vent when I'm home alone with my husband), and try not to make waves. But I honestly think my fear has hindered me more, than the waves that I might have caused.
Many people have told me that Linda knew how I felt, or what I believed, but you know what my biggest fear is in life?....... That something might happen to myself or a family member, and they don't know that I love them.
If I can give anyone one piece of advise, I would say to them, Make sure the people you love, actually knows it, because you don't know what tomorrow brings. I love my family more than some can comprehend, and sometimes I not good at showing it, but I also know that there is one who has provided me with this family, and I will praise God for every day, and opportuntiy that I get to spend with them. (Even if they drive me crazy at times).
Because if I know anything in life........ Life is too short for "Not enough time."
You know..... I have one other memory of both of them,...... when they were in the hospital..... they both had their bibles either in their hands, or right beside them. Now those are both mom's that I hope I will be like, one day.
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